things i wrote months ago

poetry and thoughts

if i could become

absent of the mind

and still

walk the earth

and taste its filthy offerings

it would no longer hurt

to be weak

---

take my suffering

into your hands

and taste it

i beg of you

please

cup your hands

and let it spill

through your fingers

waste as much as you want

and drink

spit it out

once i am gone

if it wasn't born within me

i would too

---

lie to me

once more

i will believe you

i will let you in

---

if posted on pinterest

i will scroll for you

in endless forgiving

and a cheap pursuit

(my time is free) until i am old

and i will clink my

bony fingers over your

pixelated eyes

(so you don't see me) how embarrassing...

---

dimming

angels

gumming

---

i feel vulnerable

alone

in this room

---

ive gotten comfortable killing bugs again

not because i am afraid

and i don't want them to die

but because i would hold them in my hand

and pull their tiny bodies apart

just because you asked me to

---

i think life is a woman

and i think death is a woman

and i think life and death are the same woman

and i think there is nothing left for me

but her

---

if someone strangled me

i think i would hold their hands

not to stop them

just to feel like i'm not alone

and i would look in their eyes

so someone would know i was alive

---

i wish i died a child

---

growing up is learning nothing can save you

no matter how long you can hold on to joy

it's just another feather

and plucking will leave you naked and trembling

before the whole world gets to rip you apart itself

and even when the hunter shoots the deer

the trees will whisper

and somewhere a baby is born with its own life around its neck