vulnerability

casual ramblings

allowing vulnerability in my everyday life is so incredibly difficult for me. i just feel stuck like i’m sliding through drying paint, desperately trying to trip over the thick, dry edge at my feet, peeling myself away from the bottom of what i’m comfortable with. im have no idea where this came from or why i cannot bring myself to stay genuine. i feel the need to protect myself by never taking myself or anything else very seriously. it’s constant. sometimes i wish that i could just let it all go. just sing, breathe, scream, run, slam my hand into the center of this canvas and let my bright red handprint stain the empty space. no matter if i fall short or excel, i want to one day trust the world enough to not fiercely scratch my skin when i bare it. softness is shameful- but only my softness. i gently hold the softness that my dear friends share with me, letting the sweetness warm my soul. but i expect myself to hide, to be sharp and sturdy, never cracking under the pressure of my own desires. “you can want” is not something i expect to hear, and yet it comes up during moments where i find myself squirming in my own shell. it is difficult for me to find it within myself to unravel my imaginary pill bug body, but i hope that i can allow myself to take this seriously. i am an artist. i have ideas that i want to express and i have the skill level to do it. i hope to have the confidence to say that again and again in the future. thank you for reading.